Sacred Cows

Don't let the wonder of pregnancy pass you by

©Asya Verzhbinsky

Google the phrase 'wonder of pregnancy' and you either get details for all the bodily changes that occur... or sarcastic comments about the 'joys' of heartburn, fatigue, nausea and water retention. I'm now seven months pregnant and I'll be the first to admit that most of my time is spent battling cycles of light nausea and hunger... trying to get a tiny bit of work done to boost my fragile career confidence... or thinking about how I'm going to get through the birth and the transition back to a job. Pregnancy is hard work! And we're taught to focus on the most practical, material, aspects.

Yet, last night, just as I had settled into a deep sleep, the little creature inside me delivered five sharp kicks worthy of a black belt to my side and I jolted awake, ever so slightly annoyed... and completely awed.

It was a lovely, mystical, life-affirming reminder that there is a whole person growing inside me. I don't know him/her yet... but that doesn't mean there isn't a intact personality just waiting to emerge and make its own destiny.

And the entire experience will be over in the blink of an eye. (Ok... in some ways, thank goodness!)

Before I know it, this little one will be half my height, doing puzzles and running off to play with friends, much as my joyful 2-year-old son already does.

Do I wish my husband could also experience the wonder of carrying new life first-hand... oh undoubtedly! What a different dimension we would exist in if MAN could carry a baby just like WOMAN. If I were God, this is the first thing I'd change! After being pregnant, I've no doubt whatsoever that sexual equality ends with pregnancy. Until men have periods and experience the vulnerability of being pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding, equality will always fall by the wayside.

But never mind. Here's my wish for all you pregnant mothers out there: just for a moment, just today... close your eyes... lie down... put your hands on that giant, gorgeous, vexatious belly... and  bask in the beauty and sensuality of being pregnant. That ripe, round tum holds a whole world of youth and happiness ... and you'll only be its sole custodian for a few short months!

This gift of womanhood is unique and mustn't be diminished by the artificial demands of so-called 'sexual equality' ... nor by the banal pressures of the job market. Hold them off as long as you can and don't feel guilty or de-valued just because you're not out there doing deals, running a business or climbing the career ladder right now!

Sleep... dream... indulge yourself... be grateful that your pregnancy is safe and healthy unlike so many poor mothers out there... enjoy the hormones (if you can)... and enjoy the quiet closeness of life and the immortality that nine months of mere inconvenience are granting you.

Ummmmm....now please excuse me while I go lie on the sofa like a beached whale and allow my poor, crushed stomach to process that horse-pill of a pregnancy vitamin that's making me belch!

Teaching your child Hindi in an English-dominated world

Maurya's first story book was a delightful one called 'Lama Lama Red Pajama' in which Mama Lama reads Baby Lama a story and then goes downstairs, leaving him in the dark. The rhyming bedtime tale has some great lines, like this one:

"Baby Lama, what a tizzy, sometimes Mama's very busy! Please stop all this lama drama and be patient for your Mama!"

Thanks to the fabulous English children's literature available - with its exquisite illustrations, charming stories and a sense of humor that appeals to us hapless parents who have to read them ad nauseum, Maurya is now addicted to books! Julia Donaldson's 'Rosie's Hat' and 'Room on the Broom' are the current super-hits!

But you'd think living in India also means he's absorbing Hindi like a sponge and serenading us with classic Hindi songs like 'Chanda Mama.'

Sadly, no.

Some of you multi-lingual parents will already have figured this out, but it makes no bloody difference what country you bring your child up in. If they don't consistently interact with a language - all day everyday - they will not speak it. It doesn't matter what language you speak with your spouse. The trick, apparently, is for each parent to stick to ONE language with the child. I'm now using Hindi exclusively with Maurya, and it is making a big difference. He's still choosing to answer back in English, given that his ability to express himself in English is racing ahead. But I am beginning to notice an increased willingness to use Hindi words as well as a definite increase in his understanding of Hindi conversation.

Still, the biggest problem I face as the sole parent charged with imparting Hindi, is the competition from English-language games, songs, television, movies... and books. It's pretty tough to beat Toy Story or Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed! (Although I discovered that our Toy Story DVD has a Hindi language option! 'To infinity and beyond' becomes 'Anant se bhi agay!')

The X Chromosome

Christmas Baby

What a momentous year! After half a decade of unexplained infertility (i.e. stress!)... I am pleasantly shocked to be expecting a second baby. I confess that in moving to India and attempting to get back to work, this sudden pregnancy did slightly pull the rug from under my feet. But the idea that by Christmas, there will be another child in our lives - a sibling for my son - is so delightful and sweet! And now that the nausea is gone, I couldn't be more content.

Boy or girl?

Any expecting couple is curious to know. And we're no different. The thought of buying little dresses... brushing a little girl's hair... watching her grow into a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman... and sharing all I've learned with her, regularly brings tears of joy to my eyes.

But here in India, that microscopic thread of X chromosome can prove deadly for a baby girl:

10 million missing Indian girls

I did the above report for BBC World TV back in 2006. And believe it or not, the problem is actually getting worse. Latest statistics show that the number of wealthy, educated Indians aborting baby girls is growing. Sex ratios are now so skewed, experts are predicting a breakdown of society within a generation.

"If sex ratios stay the same, 600,000 missing girls this year will become, in 18 years’ time, over 10m missing future brides. Robbery, rape and bride-trafficking tend to increase in any society with large groups of young single men." - The Economist, Apr 7th 2011

It's already happening in places like Harayana state, where female foeticide has been rampant for decades.

So why on earth does a girl engender such loathing in some prospective parents?