The X Chromosome

Christmas Baby

What a momentous year! After half a decade of unexplained infertility (i.e. stress!)... I am pleasantly shocked to be expecting a second baby. I confess that in moving to India and attempting to get back to work, this sudden pregnancy did slightly pull the rug from under my feet. But the idea that by Christmas, there will be another child in our lives - a sibling for my son - is so delightful and sweet! And now that the nausea is gone, I couldn't be more content.

Boy or girl?

Any expecting couple is curious to know. And we're no different. The thought of buying little dresses... brushing a little girl's hair... watching her grow into a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman... and sharing all I've learned with her, regularly brings tears of joy to my eyes.

But here in India, that microscopic thread of X chromosome can prove deadly for a baby girl:

10 million missing Indian girls

I did the above report for BBC World TV back in 2006. And believe it or not, the problem is actually getting worse. Latest statistics show that the number of wealthy, educated Indians aborting baby girls is growing. Sex ratios are now so skewed, experts are predicting a breakdown of society within a generation.

"If sex ratios stay the same, 600,000 missing girls this year will become, in 18 years’ time, over 10m missing future brides. Robbery, rape and bride-trafficking tend to increase in any society with large groups of young single men." - The Economist, Apr 7th 2011

It's already happening in places like Harayana state, where female foeticide has been rampant for decades.

So why on earth does a girl engender such loathing in some prospective parents?

Burden of honor

Well, in my own family, I can think of telling examples. The problem is still about the sexual implications of parenting daughters. A girl's budding sexuality is a liability... it is both a magnet for frustrated, unscrupulous males within the joint family (there are countless examples of Indian girls being fondled by distant relatives)... as well as outside the family... (again, within my own group of female cousins, everyone has story of being fondled on a train, bus, etc). And that's only the start...

A working girl can be accused of dishonorable behavior... flirting with boys, for example. She can be raped... divorced... or worst of all... she might willingly indulge her sexuality, with pre-marital sex for example. That's when her parents' entire universe, usually built upon fragile notions of respectability and public image, will implode.

No doubt the problem is also partly economic. The expectation of having to marry off a daughter and pay a dowry is certainly a burden for poorer parents. But I believe the honor quotient underpins the problem.

My Delhi obstetrician, Dr. Puneet Bedi, is one of India's foremost anti-foeticide campaigners (I met him while doing that TV report). He says most tribal societies practice female foeticide precisely because of the honor quotient.

Consider how deep the antipathy towards girls and women runs. In India, if two X chromosomes meet, chances are high that the baby girl will be aborted. If she is allowed to be born, in some communities she'll be kept forever hungry so her brothers can grow healthy. If you don't believe me or think this only happens in a few backward villages, I'll introduce you to my babysitter, Nitu, who is painfully thin, painfully hard-working and yet still treated like the rump of the family. Meanwhile,  her unemployed older brother is fussed over all day as he sits around watching TV.

If an impoverished Indian girl does make it past puberty, she might then battle the tyranny of an arranged marriage... or suffer in childbirth (too many caesarians if she's wealthy; no help at all if she isn't).

They tyranny of the X chromosome does not spare educated, wealthy women either. Of all the Indian women in my life, I can think of only a few who have not suffered due solely to their gender.

My sister was often told as a child (and as an adult) that my mother had been praying for a boy. When my brother was born, a tremendous public feast was organized in Pennsylvania... a ritual that had been absent after my sister's birth.

My favorite aunt has been emotionally tortured by her husband for nearly three decades (her family married her off hastily at the ripe old age of 27 because she might otherwise never find a husband.) Another aunt chose not to marry and is perpetually hounded for her decision.

One cousin has been in an abusive marriage for more than a decade. Other girls have been discouraged, disheartened, fondled by unscrupulous male relatives, or otherwise kept back, dependent or in fear.

I grew up hugely privileged in comparison, as my parents migrated to America when I was only a year old. Not that the privileges necessarily came from them... By puberty, I was kept on a very short leash and treated as if turning into a woman was a cause of deep shame for my family. My gender made me automatically guilty of something - though I never could figure out what exactly. When I 'dared' to fall in love in college, I received threatening phone calls at work for months, was put under a state of virtual house arrest and then emotionally blackmailed.

At least in my case, an equitable society, encouraging friends and teachers, as well as a sense of personal worth led me eventually to a very fulfilling life... and a very supportive husband who doesn't hold any of the neanderthal beliefs I grew up with (sorry, I'm probably slandering neanderthals...!)

But the tragedy is that even as India's economy booms... millions of baby girls are being robbed  of the chance to fight before they're even born.

Shame on parents who abort girls. It's repugnant and dishonorable. And it violates spiritual edicts in Hinduism, Islam, Sikhism, Christianity and Jainism, which also isn't noted by devout doctors and patients alike.

By the way - watch this space. I hear Amir Khan's much anticipated new Oprah-style talk show will feature this debate in the coming months.

 

Comments

[Christiana Thanos]

I really enjoyed watching your piece on BBC. Thank you for covering this important topic.

[Ritu Anand]

I read this blog earlier in the day and it brought tears to my eyes. You write many blogs that are informative and bring awareness to important social issues. Once I was confronted by a family member who asked me "Everyone wants to know why you are so angry, Ritu." Later on I reflected on that question and I wrote a long response. The jist of it was "I am so angry because no one else is angry at all." I'm so glad that you have always been a support in my life and I am glad that you were angry on my behalf. I am glad I had you to look up to while growing up. I am touched that you wrote such a personal account of how gender discrimination has affected you and our family. I still get into discussions with Indian cousins, Indian brothers, and American female friends that go something like "Women are equal now. There is no more gender discrimination." I think discrimination still exists in American culture, but my American friends who have not dealt with it in an Indian context are out of touch with the struggles of you and I, and even moreso with the struggles of your babysitter.